Exercise Happiness the Way You Want

People frequently ask, "What is happiness?" This big life question is intriguing to ponder upon as we figure ourselves out. We're bound to think about the answers to this question from time to time through every stage in our lives.

As we try to figure out what this thing we call happiness is and how we can obtain it, we tend to try to tell others not just how to be happy but also how to be choosey of what things make them feel that way. But a good question we should be thinking about is, "Why do we try to dictate what should or shouldn't make other people happy?"

Those quotes that read things like, "Happiness comes from within," "You choose to be happy," "[insert noun or pronoun here] shouldn't make you happy; you make yourself happy," etcetera are all examples of toxic positivity.

While joy does come from within as serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine are four main feel-good chemicals that literally allow us to be happy, let's not pretend that happiness comes out of thin air, like there's a button that you press that instantly brings you cheer and glee.

The main problem with the latter quotes is that they preach an idea that is unrealistic, unempathetic, negative, and controlling. The latter quotes try to suggest that happiness is merely based on your internal thoughts and the chemicals in your brain, when really, happiness is much more complex than that as external stimuli play a valuable role in our happiness. Heck, a psychology book could even tell you that external stimuli shape our emotions in general.

The point is, we should all be allowed to find happiness in people, experiences and opportunities, and even objects without letting others tell us we can't. In fact, it is a beautiful thing to find happiness and gratitude in external sources like the things that we own, the people we share our lives with, and the moments we spend.

To tell someone that they can't feel happiness, let alone contentment, towards outside sources is cruel. It suggests that they need to reevaluate why they're happy and what things bring them joy. Eventually, this toxic pattern can make a person feel as if they aren't allowed to be happy if that happiness comes from a source from outside of them.

Especially for the depressed individual, it's absurd to suggest that if they aren't happy internally, they either must force themselves to be and that is is a "crime" for them to find sources of joy elsewhere but in their mind.

Instead of spreading the idea that we can't rely on anyone or anything to bring us happiness, let's practice the beauty of balance. Let's decide for ourselves what our sources of happiness are and how much happiness we should be able to derive from each source while still being within a healthy limit.

Whatever makes you happy whether it be shopping at the mall every weekend with your friends, playing video games five hours straight, painting your nails a different color every few days, wearing your favorite pair of shoes, or whatever it may be, don't let anyone tell you that something can't make you feel true happiness.

You dictate what your sources of happiness are; you have that freedom to decide. Experience happiness the way you want and the way you need. Most importantly, don't let anyone tell you that something or someone can't make you feel genuine joy.