In opposite-sex relationships, or even in general relationships where one partner is more masculine than the other, there can be some discrepancies in regard to how each partner wishes to be communicated with and have love expressed to them. Of course, regardless of gender or gender identity, everyone has their own personal ways they wish to be treated in a romantic relationship, no doubt about that.
However, speaking from myself and the many women I know and have known throughout my life, I see patterns in what a female wants out of a relationship. I also see patterns in people's breakups that frequently involve one or both of the partners not getting their needs and wants met.
Unfortunately, I can't really speak from a male's perspective, but I have been told directly and indirectly by many males that they hate drama. They dislike being told what to do. They often hate reading long paragraphs. They despise anything that resembles "nagging." They often believe romance is a way to entice a woman in the beginning and that they should no longer have to engage in it because their woman should "already know" how they feel about them. They want things to be simple. This does not apply to every single male or masculine individual but many.
However, many of the latter things bug women. They want their partner to fight for them, not with them. They want to be listened to and have their thoughts considered, not ignored or belittled. They want that continued romance, even if it's brief and inconsistent; it's a reminder that your thoughts and feelings have not changed about us. They want you to be persistent yet with a twist.
The most common reason I've seen women break up with males is because they no longer felt special. They believed the relationship has run its course because their partner no longer sent them cute, long text messages or surprised them with flowers like they used to. Maybe their partner started seeing them less, started doing less for their birthdays each year, held hands with them less, and really, did everything less.
Guys argue back saying that these are presumptions and that women should stop putting words in their mouths. However, indirect communication is literal communication until, if and when, you show us the truth behind your actions and what they really imply. We need both proper indirect and direct communication to feel wanted and needed, but men sometimes leave out both as the relationship progresses.
This isn't to say that a woman wants you to bring her fresh flowers every single day or wants you to take her out for a three-course steak dinner at a five-star restaurant once a week. What girls usually want are the non-material things: the forehead and cheek kisses, the unexpected cuddles when you're upset with us, the random "I miss you" texts, the soppy love letters, good listening skills when we're having a bad day, you know, the things that remind us that you care for us.
Guys think that because they've been with their partner for, say, a year, three years, a decade, or whatever it may be that, that must mean their partner knows for a fact they love them and want to be with them. Logically-speaking from most females' perspectives, you can be with someone for years without feeling anything for them at all. Some people settle and want the easy way out. However, from our eyes, it's the maintenance, work, and effort that prove to us that you truly want to keep us long-term. When our man stops all the things he once did, we freak out, we wonder what we did wrong, we presume the relationship is about to end because sometimes it does when those signs start to appear.
Trying to slide through a relationship easy-breezy without effort is like trying to get a big raise from the company you're working for while doing the bare minimum or even less. It's like wanting to raise children only without having to deal with their crying, behavioral problems, or dirty diapers. It's like wanting to graduate from college without doing any of your homework or studying before exams. It's like never cleaning the house because you hope one day it will learn to clean itself. It. Doesn't. Work.
We get it, guys, effort can suck. But to really win your girl over for life, you absolutely have to keep the effort up and running. What do you want more: to let your ego and pride get the best of you or to keep your relationship? Would you rather look back on a failed relationship and regret that you didn't make an effort or look back and remember the amount of work you put in and be able to say you're proud of your many efforts, even if the relationship didn't work out in the long-run? The choice is yours. I know you're moaning, groaning, and rolling your eyes, but many women want you to hear this.
Next time your woman gets mad at you for not being romantic enough or not doing the things you once did early on in the relationship, don't argue that there isn't a need for that at the current point in your relationship. Rather, take that constructive criticism, and do something about it if you genuinely want to keep her. We promise you that your effort means more to us than you'd ever imagine. We also promise that making an effort doesn't take as much time, work, or resources as you might believe.
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