Rejection is something we all face at some point in our lives, even if it is completely unexpected and out of our control. Regardless of our age, race, ethnicity, skin color, background, and socioeconomic class, we all have the undesirable possibility of getting rejected by universities, employers, potential dates and current significant others, friends and family members, and the like.While rejection is a natural, necessary, and inevitable phenomenon, it's not something we usually take well. As a result of not taking it well, it tends to leave us feeling upset, angry, self-conscious, unwanted, helpless, resentful, and dismayed.
Why Do We Hate Being Rejected?
There are two main reasons we despise rejection so much:
1. Our wants and expectations get crushed.
When we desire something or expect something to happen, like getting accepted into our dream college or finally getting that raise at work, we tend to have a positive, confident mindset that we will get what we want. Although we know we can't always get what we want, we still feel giddy about the what-ifs in regard to having our wants and expectations met. However, when we get rejected from that very thing, we are shocked, confused, and hurt. Our mood goes from one extreme to the next. The more we anticipate something, the greater we hurt if and when we are rejected from it. After rejection, we still want what we thought we'd get, only this time, we know we can't get it.
2. We take rejection personally.
In virtually any case of rejection, we may take the results personally. As a result of taking the rejection personally, our self-esteem may take a dip, and we may feel like we didn't try hard enough to get what we wanted, leading us to feel regretful. When not granted the job we wanted, we may feel like we've failed to make a good impression at the interview. When we find out we were accepted into the university we desperately wanted to get into, we might believe we didn't try hard enough to get good grades in high school or community college or that we "flunked" the application essay. When someone declines our offer to take them out on a date, we presume we are not attractive enough in their eyes. When rejected, we think everything comes down to us: our skills and abilities, our personality, our appearance, everything about us that we think is flawed, even if the reason is due to something unrelated.
Rising Above Rejection
The first time we get rejected, we tend to feel the most shocked and maybe even a little embarrassed. This is especially true if things have usually always gone "our way." Even for those of us who have faced rejection on numerous occasions, we may still have a hard time with it. The more often and more frequent we are rejected, the more we may become discouraged and take it personally.
While dealing with rejection can be incredibly tough at times, it is something you can learn to be content with. One of the best ways to have a more positive relationship with rejection is to accept that rejection is always a possibility, as is acceptance. This is a realist's perspective; where there is the potential for success, there is the potential for failure. To continuously believe that all of our wishes and desires will come true will only impede us from being able to accept rejection for what it is. However, to always presume we will fail will only reinforce self-consciousness and lack of confidence. Holding a realistic stance in regard to rejection, or the possibility of such, can help us best prepare for whatever result we may encounter: acceptance or rejection.
Secondly, it is critical that we learn to come to terms with rejection so that we can be prepared for it when and if it crosses our path. We can do this not by dwelling on the past but by pushing forward and using any constructive criticism we received for our rejection to better ourselves and benefit the outcomes of future opportunities that we come across. While we are sometimes rejected for unknown or unfair reasons, when we are rejected for the things we can control, that's when we can truly grow from those rejections and work harder the next time around whether it be for that same thing or person or for someone or something new.
Likewise, it is important that we understand that if we were given every single opportunity that we wanted and were never rejected for anything, our life would not have a clear, defined path. We would never be able to reach our destiny and what each of us are truly here for. We would also never understand the beauty of hard work, effort, and gratitude if everything we ever wanted was granted to us.
Rejection is Beautiful.
Next time you are given the benefit (yes, benefit) of getting rejected for something or someone you really wanted, take the rejection as a sign that either the timing is off, or something or someone better and more right for you will be in store for you soon. Sometimes it can be a great thing to be rejected because it is not only an indication to you that whatever you wanted is either wrong for you or not correct at the time, leaving you with closure, but also because it can help open new doors for you and allow you to see different paths that can lead you to where you really need to be.
Weeks, months, or even years after being rejected when you are in a much different place than where you are now, you will eventually realize why you were rejected: not because you weren't good enough but because the opportunity, person, or thing was not intended for you specifically or that you weren't yet fully prepared for such. Remember, Thomas Edison was told he was "too stupid to learn anything," was fired from two jobs due to being "unproductive," and made over a thousand failed attempts while he was inventing the light bulb – then he eventually did with hard work and dedication, when the timing was right.
Being rejected can act as a sign, a protector, or a temporary termination of our vision and what our true vision will eventually entail. Not everything we want is what it seems; there is more than what meets the eye, but that's something we don't know until rejection acts as a tool for us.
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